You don't decide when you go..

That was pretty much the summary of my conversation with my grandma. Spent an hour with her on the three day trip. Wish I could spend more time with her. Grandma never sat up and walked after her surgery more than a year ago. 

My conversations with grandma have the usual points (from her or me)

Her points :

1. Grandpa is gone. I have no reason to live. Just praying that God takes me soon. (understandable given she got married to him at 5, started living with him at 13, had 8 kids, had a long and happy married life for 65 years and he passed away)

2. the doctors did something to me after the surgery. I try to move my body but it doesn't respond

3. I am doing my best but it is not working

My points :

1. you don't decide when you go. 

2. as long as you are here, might as well try to do your best and do the rest room thing yourself

we have had the same conversation twice in the two one hour visits over last year and this year. 

She is still sharp and is probably the most progressiver person in the family given her age and situation. She always wants to know if the kids are still practicing music. Never asks about their academics or school.. Only "are they still learning music? are they practicing?"

The woman truly believes that the only thing worth leaving our kids is art ! Sometimes I actully agree with her. 

Hopefully, next year when I see her, she will be up and walking to the restroom on her own! She is trying... 

When the skies cleared just for us..

During the Thanksgiving week, which seems like ages ago, I got to visit India. First stop was Varanasi for our class reunion for two days. Then I got to spend the next 4 days in Chennai.

The trip was interesting from start to finish. When we landed in Chennai from Varanasi, the airport had 600+ stranded passengers with the access roads to the airport being closed and a "no taxis" sign greeting us. Luckily my friends dad who had started 6 hours earlier to get to the airport made it past the closure on one side. We went through waterlogged roads and a very interesting route to get back to my brothers place. 

But a miracle happened. It had rained for 17 days before that. The next 72 hours saw only slight drizzles. We did not even use an umbrella. And on the one day San and the kids came to visit Chennai, the sun came out! 

They are really lucky angels.

We jumped from one auto rickshaw into another and were pretty much on the go that day. It also happened to be my star birthday and the previous night we had celebrated Kaarthigai deepam! You can see the contrast between celebrating this in Cupertino and Chennai. 

The highlight of the trip was to see my grandma, who is not doing well after her surgery. I was glad that the kids got to talk to her, sing for her and get to take a selfie with Grandma.

I also got to spend 4 days with my parents after almost a year and a half. It is very difficult to see my dad's physical abilities deteriorate over time. His hands are constantly shaking and so are his lower jaw. The docs say "it is part of old age"... I was quoting Bikram and saying "never too old, never too sick..." but don't think it registered with my parents. 

We also got to visit San's granparents. They got hit with the rains a lot worse than my brothers area. It is amazing how resilient they are. Hoping some of that resiliant gene has transferred to our kids in case they need it some day!

This photograph was taking on Kaarthigai deepam. 

The one day that the sun came out, the schools reopened. We asked my nephew to bunk school on that day to be with us and he obliged. The next day he did make it to school but what happened after that was epic rains and the city was badly hit.

A day after I left, there was so much rain that the airport was flooded and shut down. There was some real luck guiding me through this trip!

Do not know when the next trip will be, so till then we look back at memories.. here is those 4 wonderful days crammed into 7 minutes of video!

Still missing everyone in Chennai, more than ever after editing this video! 

It has been a month since this trip already. We have to make it to India on a more regular basis for longer times. Maybe we will have a better shot at it in 2016?!

When a 20 year old white kid reminds me of my mom..

You know it is a "twilight zone" moment when a 20 year old white kid reminds you of your very Indian mother.

Was asked to go pick up a few items from the local Whole Foods store.

My daughters tell me on the way out : "can you get us shampoo while you are there?"

Me: Whole foods purchases for Organic stuff I understand.. you want Organic Shampoo? you don't eat shampoo! Just get the usual Dove, etc. stuff that you get from Safeway. 

Little one : Daddy, those shampoos have sulfates. You need to get us shampoo without sulfates!

Jr. chimes in : Yeah Appa. Sulfates are apparently bad. Whole foods sells sulfate free shampoo. can you get us one please?

I was about to launch into a long monologue on "do you know what sulfates are? etc. etc. " and given my time crunch said "fine. whatever. will see if I can pick it up"

So off I go. Finish the shopping list and am standing in the aisle in Whole Foods that says "shampoo" with total disbelief that there is a whole aisle for shampoo larger than the one at Safeway when a white kid who is in his early twenties walks by. 

Noticing a lone desi standing there with the deer in the headlights look, he asks "Sir, may I be of assistance?"

Me : My daughters want me to pick up a sulfate free shampoo!

dude : Sir, all these shampoos are sulfate free. 

Me : which one would you recommend?

Might have as well walked into a Taco Bell and asked for a recommendation on "which healthy item do you recommend on the menu ?" but here we were.. 

He says "shikai shampoo is our favorite. strongly recommend it"

Me : did I hear that right? did you say "shikai" ? 

dude : Yes sir .. (and walks away)

As a kid growing up in India, there was no Western "shampoos" in the market. We had three soaps going in rotation in our house at least till I was in 4th grade. The all purpose Hamam, the occasional Margo Neem and the even rarer Mysore Sandal soap when my dad would get it. The only two other soaps we knew of was Lifeboy from advertisements, Cinthol Lime (thanks to the lady taking bath in a waterfall that created lot of hoopla which I never understood as a kid) and Pear (the transparent soap bar). There was a soaplosion when I was in middle school with Lux etc. making it to everyone's home. 

As for shampoo, there was none! My grandmother would buy Shikakai pods and dry them in the terrace, then go take them to a local Mill and grind into a powder with some other dried herbs. Then this powder would be divvied up by all the families on my maternal side. That powder WAS our shampoo. We used it for oil baths as well. Given Indian ladies grow their hair long as a default compared to most other demographics, they have been using this for thousands of years! 

None of the kids liked the shikai powder bath because of the fear of getting the powder in our eyes, which would sting and would happen more often than you would think. My brother who had a special ability to shut his eyes tight during an entire bathing session liked it because he would come out unscathed after my mom would take us both for a joint bath session while I came out with blood shot eyes.

It was a rude shock to me that Shikai is now a shampoo at Whole foods at $6.99 a bottle!

The kids were happy and I am yet to try this shampoo. Guessing that this is now patented by some US company and before you know it all the Shikai trees in India will start belonging to a Whole Foods subsidiary.

Funny thing is the Shampoo has coconut oil and Shikai. We used to first apply oil on our hair, let it sit for some time then use shikai powder to wash it off.

Guess my kids get to experience this one way or another! Very happy for them. Don't know if these days the working desi mom probably has time to dry Shikakai on the terrace and take it to a mill. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise or a curse...

Just a question of time before my mom in India will get to use Shikai on her hair only in shampoo form at $6.99 a bottle. 

Next time my mother asks me on the phone "Ennai thechchu kulichchiyaa?" (did you have an oil bath?) going to look at this bottle and say "Yes!"

The Apprentice

The little one has been learning how to cook things from Grandma recently.

She retices recipes for all tiffin items in step by step sequence, with a cute Tamil accent! Have to capture a secret video of that soon.

The other day she tells grandpa "how did you like it? I made it for you". Was kind of confused hearing that.

Then saw it in action last night and took a video of it. She seems to be okay with the way she sits on the countertop and so is grandma but it was not the safest and did scare me. So going to purchase a high stool for the little one so she can sit on that and stir, add ingredients etc.

Brought me back so many memories of sitting next to my grandma and her aunt (Ambulu) next to a clay made oven of sorts on the ground and helping them make "therattu paal".

Now I have a craving to eat that at 9:30 PM. Sigh!

Training day

The girls did not stop at being "just like thatha". They wanted to copy Madras paati (grandma) as well. They figured out that the grandparents went ecstatic when they were being followed around and used that to good advantage to win the good graces of grandma.

Here is Jr. insisting on learning how to peel and cut onions from Grandma.

Initially she was happy and within a few minutes she regret the decision. Cutting tomatoes would have been a better choice.

In spite of being all teary eyed, she finished the job and made Grandma and me proud!

The copying did not stop with the onion cutting. It went on and on, from buying little wire baskets, filling them with random things and carrying them everywhere to keeping a giant size bindi with kumgumam(vermillion).

Both Jr. and the little one adapted really well this time. They ate at roadside dabas, used eastern style restrooms behind these highway dabas where even the grandparents who are resident desis were having second thoughts. They made it relatively easier for daddy this time compared to the last trip (especially since my right hand is still not a 100% and it is very difficult to carry the little one everywhere).

In another year, things will be even better if both of them eat by themselves and their mom trains them to eat pani pooris without making a mess. Then daddy can relax in the house and encourage all three of them to go eat out!

The plan is there.. just have to keep working on it.

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