Chuck Norris for President

This post is about "A tale of two countries", USA and India -the perspective of a F1->H1B->NRI->OCI

Before we barge into the perspective (of What? Why? When? etc.), let us get some definitions cleared.

F1 - the student visa on which the fresh off the boat Narayanan landed in the US of A, fifteen plus years ago

H1B - the work visa that changed the economy of the still single, but doctoral graduate ten plus years ago

NRI - Non Resident Indian, a change brought about by taking up permanent residency in the united states, also known as "getting a green card", seven years ago.

OCI - Overseas Citizen of India, the latest change that came with American citizenship two plus years ago, which defaulted the Indian Citizenship to an Overseas Citizenship.

Based on the last weeks news, you have won, if you bet that this post was about the economy, the reaction to the Lehman collapse, etc. Considering the way things are going, it should be obvious that you have not "won" anything, except the bet.

There should be one fact that will be out in the open before anyone judges this post as a meandearing, from a person who came to the US of A with exactly $ 1,050, and is now "living the American Dream" (as one of my Israeli buddies puts it). Since that fateful day fifteen odd years ago when I entered this country to the present, I have been a liberal democrat. I may not have known it by that name, but rest assured, those set of "values" if that is what one calls those, have not changed much.

That said, this post is more about, how my opinion of the USA changed and is continuing to change, based on how intimate I get with the day to day workings of this great country.

The last part was not sarcastic. I do believe that the USA is a great country. At the end of the day, as a collective people, they somehow get policy right. Was so sure of it, in my naive grad school days.

Granted, my view of America was not all that great in the early nineties and Hollywood did not help much. Like in all those Chuck Norris movies where four hundred and thirty five international bodies fall, so the special task force, can rescue that one American hostage who actually looks like his only contribution to his country was to improve the economy by eating a dozen donuts a day. I wanted to be Chuck Norris, and if that was not an option, at least be rescued by Chuck Norris after I ate a dozen donuts and was trapped in an airplane!

All the Americans around me made me feel that being American was like being born again. No, not "born again" as in the Christian sense, but rather "special" like in Tamizh when they ask you "Nee enna rendu thadavai pirandhiya?" ("Are you so special that you were born twice?"). You almost got the feeling that your strength would increase by a factor of 435 if you became American overnight. This theory especially gains momentum after you have read way too many Asterix comics which involve a certain magic potion.

Towards the end of my school days, a lot of things reshaped my view of America. There was talks of restricting immigrant workers, which did not go through, the one person who practically was looked up to by every desi graduate student turning out to be just another liar in the oval office, a simultaneous change of government in India with a nationalist party bent on testing nuclear weapons, a sudden surge in the bank balance thanks to a full time job, having as much fun doing R&D compared to being a not so well paid post doctoral researcher, being respected for doing what one likes to do, tasting "freedom" in a sense it had never been enjoyed before, owning a car, filling up at a gas tank on a regular basis, learning to fill more complicated tax forms than the 1040 EZ, and the list goes on.

During this time, America was the "in thing"! It was a sure bet. A place that held me in awe, simply because I could do what I wanted to do, as long as it was legal and no one would care. It was also a place where a "go getter" attitude was a plus and there was no run in with policy! To top things off, Chuck Norris was now "Walker, Texas ranger" and would grace our screens twice a week, not to mention the reruns. We were introduced to Texas. In a way Chuck gave us a preview to GWB in ways that only we could imagine.

That is when we got married and had dependents, bought and sold property, started accounts in stock trading houses to understand "quick money", lived through black tuesday and learnt some valuable lessons which were already available to us for free, had we only listened to people who had been there before. We were NRI's going through some questions on where to live, raise family, citizenship, voting, taxes, schooling...again a list that goes on and on.

One thing that was a surprise was 9/11, GWB and the rise of religious fundamentalism in the USA. After you get a dozen forwarded emails from people you know and work with, which talk about the "wrath of the eagle" mentioned in the Bible and how Iraq had it coming etc. etc., you start getting cynical, frustrated and then just plain astounded and ask yourself "How come I never saw this side of America before?" , "Was it always there?" or it is just coming out of the woodwork after Cheney runs his proxy dictatorship? not to mention other questions like "what if I dont like this war?", "How come no one has the balls to stop this?" etc. etc.

That is when a profound realization hit me!

When on trips to India, I complained about the local cop who takes a bribe for no reason by stopping you on some non existant pretext, or questioned the medical shop guy who would say "no change" and give me unwanted candy instead of the three rupees he owes me on the 20 I gave him, people around me (mostly family) would attribute my contention to my "American-ness"!

and now for the big realization..or realisation if you prefer,

This so called American-ness is only limited to showing some temper and gall at localized injustices at the everyday level with people who do not make as much money as you. You still do not get to question MK or Jayalalitha or Ramadoss (local politicians) for fear of retalliation. This option is not available to us in the USA if you make money and are above the poverty line. You don't get to see such things in your day to day life. The guy at the store hands you back a penny when you purchased something for 79.99 and you hand him eighty dollars. The cops here flag you, hand you a ticket, and off you go to court. For the most part, you know the law and try to stay within it.

When it comes to bigger things like the Iraq war, government spending, EPA, oil drilling, defense spending, security, freedom, bailouts for irresponsible people, etc. one is left in much the same boat, be it in India or the USA. Your voice is pretty much drowned. California, considered the fifth largest economy in the world (sure it is in the top ten at least) has been going without a budget for months and the common people who were hit by this have not been able to do much, with officials "they" elected!

At a much higher level, the machinery of politics is oiled by the same grease, irrespective of India or USA.

Only, the currency is different!

Now that we are American Citizens and OCI's, we do not think that commandos will be storming in to rescue us anytime soon from any impending crisis.

The day to day life, although a little more stressful, goes on with the knowledge that somehow the people who make way more money than us will get hit more and they will have the money and power to plug this hole! I know, I know. We are being selfish here. But is that not what got everyone to the point we are in now?

It is high time Chuck Norris took over as president of the USA. He can kick the crap out of the bad guys on Wall street and Main Street and put his "star" on the US dollar!

Being born and raised in the great state of Tamilnadu in India, which has been ruled by movie legends for the last thirty plus years, it is in my blood now, to hope for Chuckie to come and solve all our problems with his high kick. If we can expect MGR to solve all problems with the same ease with which he won swashbuckling swordfights with Nambiar, why not Chuck Norris?

I will say it again, Chuck Norris for President!

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There is always a first time

Ever since we saw the movie "Rock On" and introduced Jr. and the little one to the songs, they have been clamoring to get the songs played in the van.

We usually wait till our next India trip to get music CD's or get it through somoene who visits us. Considering we just came from India, we decided that for the first time, we will buy it from a local store. So, the search was on, to get the CD, but guess what? They did not expect the music to be such an overwhelming hit and so, the bay area stores were all out of the CD's. After waiting for a week, we finally managed to get a copy from Raaga. It was a couple of dollars more than what the rest of the stores would have charged, but we think it was worth it!

The kids have switched allegience from ARR (they were listening to Jaane Tu the last two weeks) to SEL for now!

This is one great CD, it is almost like an album. Hope these guys come up with many more. Why the local stores were not sure of it becoming a hit, we do not know. Beats me!

ps. Sorry I misspelt Ehsaan.. Too late to correct the video now..
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The good, the bad, and now the Ugly

The whole series of posts on the recent 11 day trip to Chennai is coming to an end!

While those posts were a travelogue or commentary on the humorous side, mostly focusing on how the kids and the wedding brought back great memories, there is one last post that deals with things that remind you of how things could be better.

After my previous India trip, a lesson learnt was that if you do not live in India, anything slightly negative about India, will get you in trouble. Even if one mentally prepares to take an argument to the end, it still irks you to find out that you lose the right to say anything negative about India, if you reside abroad. It also gets ridiculous because the people who take you to task are the same ones who seem to have some kind of birthright to criticize things in the USA, although they dont reside in the USA!

In any case, this post will simply point out three things that were observed during the trip (which may be more information, than rant)!

1. Follow the Arrow (the line side, not the triangle side)

This seems to be a repeated theme in airports, stores, etc. where there is a board which shows an arrow for a line or a service, and the cops, regulators have the line setup elsewhere. Mutliple lines form because of the chaos and the last come get served first!!! Happened at Mumbai airport in the "transit" area! It was pathetic.

We had 100+ people, old people, little kids, who came by Jet Air (we were put on Jet through Shanghai after our Cathay flight through Hong Kong was cancelled because of a typhoon) and we were cooped up in a small waiting area to be transported to the domestic terminal to catch a flight to Chennai! There was one set of restrooms, both blocked by garbage and not in usable condition, no access to drinking water and we were told to wait for 2 hours there.

Why? because it is the Mumbai airport that provides the connecting shuttle and not the airlines! So the airlines people blamed the airport folks and the airport folks pointed the finger back at the airlines. There were five newbie kids in blue suits and orange ties who were asking "how may I help you?" when we walked in to hand over our baggage, but were useless and totally ineffective in helping anyone!

Apparently they were all "trainees". After some drama and what would have almost been a lynch mob, they got two shuttles to transport us to the domestic terminal, so no one would miss their connecting flights! The funny thing was the trainees pointed to the arrow and the people who were in urgent need of the shuttle waited by the door only to find that the folks who least needed the shuttle ended up getting in through another door (courtesy of a chain gate and backdoor line set up by same trainees!)

Same thing at the Chennai airport. There is a big sign that says "-> Check in" and you will see a policeman direct you to the exact opposite direction! Then there will be another cop who says "get in line. you are not in the line!" because you were redirected for follwoing the big painted "official" sign board!

Lesson : If you are travelling in India, don't count on FIFO. If there is a counter which says "tickets", do not go stand in front of that counter. You might never even get a ticket! Wait a few minutes to see a line form, then see where the ticket seller actually shows up. There will be a last minute scramble to get to the new location of the counter, and make sure you have the vantage point from which you can make it to the new counter or door or gateway.

2. Always build a temple (before you build a house)

After landing in Chennai, was calling Chennai Call taxi to get a ride. Was in the process of giving our door number when my dad suddenly corrected me..

Dad : "we are not 3/4 anymore, we are now 5/4"!
Me : WTF? When did that happen.. from when I was a baby this has been 3/4. I don't understand!
Dad : After all these years, the street temple has been given a number. Also the illegal house built with a shared wall to the street temple (both built by same dude, who was a king in the illicit liquor business in his heyday) have been given legitimate street numbers (this after 25 years mind you!).

You have to see this to believe it. There is a temple in the street corner. Sharing a floor and a wall with this temple is what appears to be a garage which also doubles up as a prayer hall, and on top of it is a residence! Imagine all the trouble the old folks in this street go through because their door number changed. Go back and do an address change in anything and everything from old bank records, insurance files, etc. etc. ! Bummer.

Lesson : If you want total protection for your house irrespecive of MMDA approval, postal department approval, which political party is in power, etc. dont buy insurance. Just build a temple as part of your house and you are covered. Lord Ganesha is the worlds best home insurance dude!

3. If you feed them, they will come ! (A must read if you plan on opening a restaurant).

Oh wait, I predict that the only restaurants in Chennai will be Saravana Bhavan's or Sangeetha's in ten years. Everything else will be bought by these two guys. They are spreading faster than the Starbucks craze in the USA. Every street corner has a "Sangeetha's".

Little wonder then, that there is a Sangeetha's next to our place also. Apparently they showed a garage in the basement while getting their permit and are now using the basement as storage. That means the customers park on the street and jam the road!

Now what happens? The entire road is made a "one way". One way's are the universal solution to all traffic jams in Chennai. If the Chennai politicians food gets into a jam in his stomach, he will probably make his @$$ "one way"!

As usual, instead of keeping my mouth shut, I ask the people around me, "Why don't you guys complain to the cops? This Sangeetha's is running a valet parking service on the street, when he is illegal in the first place. That parking is for residents!"

They quietly pointed to the three cops redirecting the "valet" effort. Apparently the cops get a free breakfast, lunch and dinner at the restaurant and therefore complaining against their annadaata might not work out in the best interests of the residents!

Lesson: Follow the food chain before you make hasty judgments!

Why bother to write about these things?

In spite of the trip being a short one, there has been plenty of time within the 11 days to do some soul searching on Chennai, never going back, fitting in, etc.

One of my Chinese friends remarked that India could use a project manager like me. He said "If they had ten guys like you, you would whip that place to compete with the US!". Told him that while being extremly happy at that compliment, being a great project manager in the USA does not mean success in India. My own parents never approve of my methods.

Finally told him, "They will throw me out, because they cannot handle me". His response "Why? What is wrong with you?"

Have been trying to answer that question. For starters, "speaking out" is considered a risky activity by everyone in the family. Hush, keep quiet, what if someone hears you, why do you want to buy trouble, etc. etc. is all they tell me, when my blood boils at seeing something and I actually try to go take someone to task, be it a storekeeper, a call taxi dude or a cop! My relatives promptly tell me "you dont know how things work here. your memory of this place is still based on what you saw as a school and college kid fifteen years ago. Things are different now!"

Also, any attempt to point out the current state and a suggestion to improve is always considered as a "negative" stand on the current state of things. This is a catch 22. Why?

Improvement is change in the positive direction.
It can be seen only if measured simply as an equation

"Change = New - Old"

That means, there has to be a mention of the "old" or current and if that is perceived as accusatory, finger pointing, NRI attitude etc., then there is no point in continuing a conversation. For every improvement there is a reason. A problem statement, which when attacked methodically, can have a solution which should also be measured against to verify that improvement has indeed happened!

Any discussion of the metrics, and the discussion turns to argument and the "we are happy with what we have" sets in!

Thought right is right and wrong is wrong... and boy was I wrong on that one!

In any case, it has been proven to me that life for an average middle class person in an Indian Metro like Chennai is ridden with issues that the people just put up with, for fear of retribution. To me, that is unacceptable in the worlds largest democracy, but then again, I do NOT partake in that democratic process and the people who do the "putting up with BS" tell me that it is their way of life and they did not ask me to come and try to change things (for fear that it might make things worse for them after I leave) and have instead gotten used to it!

With that in mind, will leave them to their ways, and will keep myself busy with my way of life. My retirement age just got advanced another 10 years thanks to Lehman, the banks, the @$$holes who gave home loans and the @$$holes who took home equity loans on their homes (which they had no way of affording in the first place) to pay for trips to exotic islands and are now cooly declaring foreclosures and bankruptcys!

I want my money back!! All of my retirement money.. NOW!! Want every person who gave loans without checking background on the loan applicants to be arrested. Want every one who took that loan, to have stuff they bought repossessed. Why should sincere people shoulder the burden of the irresponsible? How can these guys who borrowed money knowing that they can never pay it back, be allowed to walk away with no consequence? This is economic terrorism inflicted by an irresponsible few on the taxpaying many. Is anybody listening?

Well, guess not! So life is not much different in the USA after all. Much like that cop who gets fed by Sangeetha's restaurant, the politicians and regulatory agencies here were probably fed by Lehman?!

For those of you who came here expecting funny stuff, my apologies. We will get back to the lighter side of life starting tomorrow.

It has indeed, been a long day! A ten year extension of your retirement age will do that to you.

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