Why? Why? Why?

Yours truly is back in the US of A. That also means back at BYSJ. 

I did the 60 day Challenge and after that, have gone there a mere 10 times in the last 40 days, thanks to travel and United airlines flying. 

Flying United is like whipping yourself, thinking it is going to somehow absolve you of all your sins. No good comes out of it and all you are left with are scars.. seriously, I have scars now. Given my friends have requested me politely and not so politely to stop sharing rashfies or Xelfies as someone called it, there will be no pictures. 

Flying United.. what can I say?! It is like watching Sigourney Weaver and crew flying around in the alien movie series. You think you came out alright.. you wait for 48 hours and something is tearing your stomach and crawling out! You never know if those damn aliens, sorry co-passengers have infected you. 

Definitely did not start writing this post about "Why? I still fly United". Somehow I ended up there. 

Earlier this week, went to a Yoga class after a long time. There was a LOT on my mind, thinking about work and Jr.'s persistant requests for downloading a Snapchat app. Thirty minutes into the class, finally got to stop thinking about all that and was only worried about surviving the next 60 minutes and being able to stand on one leg. It was a hard fought battle, going from bullshit thoughts that would not stop, to breath and balance. 

Then the floor series exercises started.

It so happened that an ant (that looked like a Pulliar Erumbu, I cannot be sure) had decided to check out my mat and more specifically my hand. 

The next 25 minutes was spent in trying to avoid killing that ant with my hands or shoulders and I did everything humanly yogically possible to avoid killing it. Was blowing it away and it came back. Flicked it gently with my fingers and it came back. It was like the ant had a death wish! Having come into the room to find peace, was definitely not going to go on the war path with said ant. 

The teacher was looking at me funny when we did the "airplane" pose. My plane did a weird nosedive to the left, trying to avoid an imminent crash with the ant.  As soon as this happened, the lady on my left saw what was going on, and promptly squished the ant! 

If a speaker was connected directly to my brain and my thoughts made audible, the emotional outburst in my head would have broken all the mirrors in the room! 

Shed a tear. Maybe it was for the ant. Maybe my spine was still recovering from that almost crash landed airplane. We will never know. 

Now for the last Why?

Knowing that the whole idea of staying in a Yoga room for 90 minutes was to kill all thought and distractions from the mind, how is a teensy weensy ant able to distract me for a good 25 mintues?!

Why?!

Perspectives

Another hospital visit, this time with San chauffering me. We go to the reception desk and the lady gives me a mask to wear. I give her a look and she goes "don't you have rashes?" 

Did not respond to her. She wet wiped the pen I used to sign the credit card bill. I smiled inside. Then came the kicker. Please go to that railing and stand there.

Me : I am very tired and drowsy. Can I just sit in one of these chairs? The doc told me day before yesterday that this is not contagious

Rec: The folks here don't know that. Also because you have rashes a nurse will be right out to get you to a room. 

After waiting near the rails for a good 5 minutes and watching two more people go in, I just sit cross legged on the floor near the railing. Realizing my trouble the receptionist was nice. She got out of her pen and took me inside and said "sorry. I thought they will be faster". 

Then comes a nurse. I go to get my blood pressure checked and remove my jacket. She gets a look at my arm and starts scratching her face. 

Me : What happened?

Nurse : Sorry. Just looking at your arm makes me itch! I don't know why!

For a second my mind just went ballistic on her. Do you have any freaking idea woman that the only thing I want to do right now is to remove my shirt and go rub myself against that opposite textured wall that looks like sand paper? Do you have any idea that I am using all those years of shavasana training just to sit still here? I actually "want".. NO NO NO "need" to itch right now and you are doing it just by looking at me?

How will this woman ever survive J's class is she were to take it, without getting a lecture on "want" vs. "need" when it comes to itching and scratching? the mind was wandering off. 

I took a deep breath in and a deep breath out. The world was not fair and hey, it never claimed to be, so what the hell?

She found a way to carefully place the blood pressure monitor sensor out of a rash and took my pressure. Was expecting to see a reading of zillion / zero. It actually read 104/60. Somehow all those things that were going on in the head, I had not taken to heart. It was nice to know.

Again, she said sorry as she meticulously wet wiped the sensor they put in your fingertip and the pressure equipment. I mumbled something to the effect of "it is okay" and "you know they tell me it is not contagious, but everything you guys keep doing tells me otherwise" . She said "we do it as a habit when we see rashes"

Then while sitting in the room the thought of what these nurses and receptionists and doctors go through in their line of work just hit me. 

Here I am thinking of becoming an anti social simply to avoid contact with strangers in planes and airport lounges to minimize picking up new germs when they go in the exact opposite direction knowing the risks? Can I blame them for wiping everything?

These people put their lives at risk day in and day out dealing with body fluids that are known contaminated for the most part and one mistake could cost them and the odds of that mistake happening are much higher in a hospital than in an United flight. (okay, maybe that last one needs to be really investigated, but let's assume United planes have less sick individuals than hospitals for now, okay?)

One thing that made it through my thick head was that my tendency to judge quickly based on what I saw has not changed or improved. I still judge.. but 9/10 times these days I go back and re-evaluate my stand and am okay to stand corrected within a few seconds or minutes. It would be nice to not judge instantly, but that has been me for 40+ years, so it will take time to change that habbit. 

On the way out, did make it a point to thank each and everyone of the folks who helped me. That was a few days ago.

The last few days have been muddling through work, taking phone calls at home and no driving. Walking in the backyard with no shirt on exposing the glorious rashes to Ra for him to do the rest. Seriously they told me that 5-10 minutes of direct sunlight will help. 

This morning was tough. I had chills all last night and my body was aching so bad that I took a day off of work and went back to bed. When I woke up, it was almost 3PM. Had slept through the entire day from 10PM to 3PM skipping breakfast and lunch. 

Took a shower, did the sunlight thing and put on some more ointments and checked my mail.. and that brings to the second perspective. There were four people who were suggesting that this was an insect bite and six suggesting that I should stop doing Bikram Yoga immediately as it was probably the root cause of all problems. These are all people who are family and very close friends.

The doctors are saying that this is most likely a case of "pityreasis rosea" where the cause is a virus or it is an amoxycillin reaction. They told me that heat will make the rashes more obvious and it is good to not overheat and take warm water showers instead of hot water showers. But they also tell me that Bikram yoga cannot cause this. It can only make the rashes look more purple.

Telling my family and friends that "Bikram yoga is good for you" (exception is wife, MIL and kids)  is like going to a Fox news show and saying "Islam is a peaceful religion"!  Recently in one of those United lounge conversations a guy tells me "Terrorism is in the muslim religion itself!". I was just taken aback. Simply did not know how to react to it. Here is a devout Christian telling a not so devout Hindu that Islam is synonymous with terrorism and I don't have a witty comeback.

Most of the folks who have never set foot in a hot room have an opinion on Bikram Yoga from the media? It is usually opinions, not facts. "If this is what I perceive and I am in the media, it has to be true.. because I am on TV and you are on your couch".. well that seems to be the trend these days.

Have never been a Muslim so I have no right to make a judgement call on the religion, but we do have muslim friends and families who are just like us. Hardworking, sincere, family men and women who go about their day. Some go pray every friday and some don't. Their kids are as normal as ours from every view point. There are definitely data points that tell me that the "all muslims are violent" statement is false.  

Incidentally, it was my 4 year anniversary and I was "itching" to go do Yoga to commemorate, but all I ended up doing was itch. It was depressing. Have written so many posts on my experience with Bikram Yoga over the last 4 years. 

My family and friends sometimes don't see why I love it so much. It is not possible for everyone to experience every religion before making statements on it. One can only hope that all good religions teach the message of understanding and eventually transcending religion to see the god within oneself and others is the final step for religious graduation. 

Same thing for Yoga. I cannot make everyone go experience the hot room and then make up their mind. Tried that and realized that not everyone can see the value of sweating it out for 90 minutes with a bunch of strangers in front of a mirror.

San did try it after my MIL and me repeatedly asked her to try and after 30 classes she said "It is a great feeling after the class finishes, but I simply cannot handle the smell Sundar! I have no idea how you do it, but it is not for me. You go as much as you want, but don't ask me to join you!"  Now that is a sense of realism that I can handle. She is a better person than me for cutting to the chase and saying "if it works for you great. go for it"

The kids used to come for the family class (warm room instead of hot) and loved it. The minute Jr. came to the adult class she stopped after 4 classes. Her reason? "Daddy, I am practically on the floor after the warm up. The teacher told me that my blood pressure is not same as adults so I will feel dizzy. I feel bad sitting down when others are trying so hard all around me. Don't want to be a spoil sport". When she comes up with something like that in all sincereity, I said "fine, do your one mile run every day. maybe you can come try with me in a few years"

The little one nonchalantly states "you know I can TOTALLY do it if I want to.. I really CAN! It is just that I DON'T want to do it!" . Personally the little one is ready for everything and nothing at the same time. She is going to kill me sooner or later in just trying to figure her out.

In all this drowsiness, I read a message that said "by the way, the guy who started the yoga you do, is being arrested for something or other. maybe you should seriously rethink going to this yoga". That is when I closed one browser window, opened another and started typing this post. 

Having never met Bikram and knowing him only though the Yoga routine he has passed on, if someday I meet him, the only words I will have for him are "THANK YOU!" and it will be in a much bigger font than that.

There is no way I can judge him for anything else other than this routine, which is sheer brilliance. 

Yeah Yeah, it is another Yoga post...

The 60 day challenge is still on and right now I am 6 behind. There are days when even going to that one class per day becomes quite a challenge and surprise, I get to do a double. 

Then there are days where I go with two sets of towels and a bottle of gatorade to drink between classes, all planned for a double and the plan is abandoned after the first class. 

They say planning is three fourths done.. not in a Bikram yoga class. Plan all you want, every class is a surprise. Have made three sincere attempts to do a double and every time, have had to abandon it at the end of the first class.

Have you ever driven on a road, knowing that it has synchronized traffic lights, but you still get stuck at every damn light, because your speed is just slightly out of sync? That is how this one class was! "If only, if only the teacher gave me an extra two seconds to get my breath back to normal before the next pose" was the recurring thought through 50 minutes of a 90 minute class.

There are folks who show up in the Yoga room after running a full marathon in the morning and they breeze through the class. There is a lady who showed up there till the day before her baby was born and was again there in the hot room one week after delivery! I look at them with awe and use them for inspiration.

There is a big irony that keeps hitting me on a day to day basis. We say the world is shrinking and the internet has brought us closer and we live in a more "social" world. However the "social media" world that we live in seems to separate us more than unite us. It seems to be superficial. People project a life in social media. Not share their life. Everyone on Facebook seems to be living THE life. They have selectively chosen to share their joys, likes and upbeat status reports. That might be seen as a positive thing, but it is only one side of the story. 

I go to drop a happy birthday wish in the Facebook email, aka messenger and see that the only messages I have sent that person on FB is a happy birthday message, year after year! It is not that I don't exchange other emails with that person on gmail or meet that person one or twice a year, but our exchanges and interactions have been reduced to what seems to be, preprinted TELEGRAM messages (if you are not from India and are under 20 you may not get this reference). Next thing you know, Facebook will have an option to select a number and #2 will be Happy Birthday #3 will be "heartfelt condolences" etc.  It is almost getting there.

At the anniversary day at BYSJ, practically every class is packed. I decided to go to the 4:30 PM class and there was more than a 100 people in the room! At least it felt like it. Literally mat to mat! Before the class started the instructor said something nice. He wanted us to say hi to all our nearest neighbors. I had not met or spoken to any of my five nearest neighbors and it was nice to introduce myself to a bunch of "strangers".

It was a great class taught by a very funny guy. Some things stuck with me. He said "stretch your hands up, palm to palm grip, and if you see there is a gap between your palms in the mirror, ask yourself.... WHY?"  We were in another pose and he said "you might have just lost the will to live, but the class must go on.. so push your stomach forward" . We all laughed. Laughing is sometimes the best way to get your breath back. So these days I have a perpetual stupid grin on my face, and it seems to be helping!

There are also some other funnies that seem to stick in my head. One teacher shouts out "grab your elbows each other! If you cannot grab your elbows, GRAB YOUR ELBOWS!".

Another one says "let's get ready for Cobra pose. place your hands on the mat, five fingers together. Align your thumbs with your nipples and press down". This was by far the best and shortest description of the set up that actually clicked for me! It was so simple. No mention of the deltoids, shoulders, etc. etc. where you keep what, figuring out if your hands are too far in or out, etc.  Was wondering why other teachers didn't say that! Then again, what works for my brain, might be a distraction to someone else, who knows?!

There is another teacher who is new this year. This guy does something unique. When the class is about to end and we are in the last breathing exercise, he progressively dims the light and turns off the lights altogether while we still have 10-15 breaths to go. There is a magical effect that happens (at least to me) in the following sequence:

1. I see a shillouette of me and all the folks immediately around me in the mirror. Just the outlines, kind of like when you adjust the highlights and shadows to the extreme slider bar on Photoshop! 

2. Then I can slowly see the details in the shadows. The faces are now recognizable. 

3. This then gives way to seeing only the people and the background goes dark.

4. There is a bright glow around the people. It is like seeing a Thermal image of the folks in the room and they give off a heat signature

5. If I try to focus on the mirror instead of "my reflection in the mirror", I can see a HALO around my head and some of the others.. just like you see in pictures of any god in India! (examples here, here and here and here yes, if Charlie Hebdo was in India, chances are they will draw Mohammad with a halo as well..) 

First I was thinking it is just the natural process of your dehydrated eyes going through a highlights/shadows adjustment.. but that did not explain the halo, only the outlines.

Maybe your eyes get to see near infrared after the yoga class and we all get some x-men type powers, was the alternate thought. In the five classes he has taught me so far, five for five he has done this light dimming and in all those classes, have seen the halo! Not sure if others go through the same experience, but it would be interesting to find out. 

These days I do go a few minutes early before class and talk to people, encourage them, get encouraged in turn and that helps. Every person has a story and they are happy to share their stories. Yoga has now become some kind of therapy when it comes to being social! 

In a world where we are all supposed to be closer, it takes very little to say hi to a stranger and strike up a conversation. My kids might not even have that ability the way they are going. Two kids in the same room texting each other. Their ability to smile only in emojis makes it tragic. 

On the bright side, a Facebook friend started a movement of sorts asking everyone to pick up the phone and call or go meet someone they have wanted to talk to for a long time, but never made it. That made me think..

Why are you so happy about talking to strangers, when you don't have time to call or meet your friends over the years?! 

That will be the focus for the rest of February, as the Yoga continues!