It has been a month since the MIL fractured her leg, by simply stepping on a stone while walking Jr. back home from school. Don't be fooled by all that hoopla about the "stepping stones for success". All it takes is one small stone at the wrong place and success will be a distant dream. This post is not about the stone, or the leg for that matter. It is about Romance...
How does one get from a Mother in law's fractured leg to Romance? This sounds more complicated than the Kevin Bacon game, right?
Actually it is very simple. The MIL is a regular reader of novels in the Romance section of the library and on every visit, she grabs, nay, gently picks a dozen of these tender books. The titles range from extremely sappy to heavily scientific and sometimes even bordering on the forensic, but the covers are almost always a dead giveaway.
The covers feature a topless dude with a woman showing ample cleavage(Did NOT get that reversed on accident!), usually wrapped around him with a rose that varies in position, sometimes in his hand, her hand, his mouth, etc. etc. Sometimes the woman is in full bridal dress and the guy is still a topless hunk and the background seems to be some tropical island! The covers and the descriptions of the story line on the back, do not have much logic and for some reason remind you of T. Rajendar movies!
One gets to learn that men on these covers had to have been airbrushed before the books went into print. Seriously, if you do not believe me, please check out the romance novel section in your local public library!
It so happened that the MIL was done with her last dozen and wanted me to return her books. Having done many things as a dutiful son in law, when your MIL is not able to move, questions like "Can you get some things from the garage? Can you get me some medicine? Can you get me my crutches?" were a piece of cake! "Can you return my books in the library?" came the question and the obvious answer was "No problem. Give me that."
That is when she dropped the bombshell. With pleading eyes she asked, "While you are there, can you get me some more of these books? I can tell you exactly where they are in the library!"
On first thought did not understand why she had to be so apologetic in tone when asking me that question. The little one and me were going to visit the library to get our dose of kids videos and DVD's anyway. What was the big deal? "Sure, no problem!" came the answer.
Only when I walked into the Romance section (2nd floor, make a right, then a left and walk all the way to the corner.. as per MIL's precise directions) did I realize what Bhasmasura must have felt, after he let Mohini lure him into certain death!
There were no men in the Romance section! The MIL might have as well given me directions to go into the ladies restroom in the library. Old chinese grandmas were giving me the look! My only defense was the little one, who kept talking and attracted more attention to her daddy trying to decide the best method to pick romance novels for his mother in law to read.
Two things need to be clarified here.
1. Even if one is a self proclaimed very liberal democrat, one feels a certain awkwardness when in new territory like this.
2. If I had to go the science and technology section and pick the best books on certain subjects, the process would have been fast and had reasonable success. Even if one has a romantic streak in him and has successfully "romanced"?! his wife for almost a decade, these novel covers and the titles do not tell you much about the quality of what is inside. They all look the same! "Death by moonlight" , "Emma's Secret" and "Spymaster" all have similar guys and babes on the cover!
There was only one thing left to do! Ask the little one to do "eenie meenie mynie mo. catch the lover by the toe!". Just when we were about to apply that algorithm on the top shelf of books, a sudden brainwave struck daddy! The Dewey catalog stickers had nice little red hearts on them and they were worn out to varying degrees!
All we had to do was pick the books with many hearts and pick books with really worn out stickers (more people must have read them or possibly judging by the crowd there, re-read them or re-re-read them!).
Within the next 30 seconds, a half dozen books were picked, tucked under one arm while the little one was bundled under the other arm and we walked out to the self checkout counter.
A few more folks had amused looks on their faces with my selection of books as I checked them out with a sheepish grin. The MIL of course oblivious of our little adventures, thanked me and the little one for getting her a fresh supply!
The best part of the whole deal was that the MIL has now declared "All the books you picked were excellent! How did you manage to pick consistantly good books? Almost all the time 30% of the books I get are only so...so!"
Now she knows my secret!
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