Cheezza anyone?

Why use two words when one is enough?

The little one is making the family proud by being furgal, at least with words. The rest of the family, especially daddy is very near an F grade on the subject.

Today, she pointed to the Pizza at the birthday table and said:

"Give me Cheezza!"

I guess Cheese Pizza is Chezza. Do not know if she was trying to say "cheese Pizza" and combined the words. Still Cheezza sounds cool!

Daddy as usual thought, he should stake a claim to the little ones discovery only to find that Cheezza is actually a different dish! It is a pizza with the crust made of deepfried cheese!!! Interesting..

Then I thought, what about Vegizza? and the answer was, No! Someone came up with that one in 2005 as an answer to an english language Quiz!!!

It was intersting to note that both these words had only 1 or 2 google hits.

Someday, the little one will come up with a word that has no hits on Google. I am almost sure...

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Things that define you

After reading through A bystanders post and Noon's response to my comment in her post,

I had an Epiphany!! (I do not know if the man who taught me that word actually reads this blog! If you do, thanks for introducing that word to me).

I will come straight to the point, although it is no fun...

Does the poonal define me or do I define it?

Or for that matter, is the little Thaayaththu (amulet) that has been on my body since I was 4 define me? (I used to have it around my neck on a black thread and once I got my Poonal, transferred it to the poonal).

Does the thin gold wedding band that I never removed from my finger since the day I got married define me or do I define it?

Does the "I love daddy" trinket, hanging from my rear view mirror define me as a daddy, or the shilouette of two dancers that hangs alongside, which my friend Weeshie Niehaus made for me one Christmas eve define me as a friend or a dancer for that matter?

I really do not know!

At the end of the day, we strive to be a good spouse, parent, child, friend, worker. Somehow in that list, I am not directly trying to be good at being a Hindu or Brahmin or devotee!

If the definition of a good spouse, parent or child involves getting in line with the belief and value system of the other person in that relationship, then you are indirectly striving to show your alignment to religion, culture, rituals and whatever else comes with it (eg. being vegetarian vs. eating meat, dressing in a certain way, visitng a place of worship, affiliation to a place of worship or group, wearing a poonal or mangal sutra, etc.)

When I see the little one prostrate herself and pray at the Shiva Vishnu Temple in Livermore, I wonder...

I did not even teach her to do that!
She just did it by following what I do..
She is happy doing it and expects me to approve when she copied me!

After some time, I thought to myself "Sundar, you are overanalyzing this thing. Sometimes Jr. does the exact opposite of what you do, just to be different or just to piss you off. This is the same girl, who used to copy you to show her conformance, just two years ago!"

All these things do not define the kid.

I reflect on something that happened during my wedding. The late Jambu Saastrigal, who performed our wedding, had nearly lost his eyesight at the time. He was just going by memory. On my insisting, he actually explained the reason and synopsis of every ritual that we performed during that wedding ceremony!

Here is a converstation that is still fresh in my mind. We were all gathered to start a prayer the day before the wedding. It was very early in the morning. As soon as we were ready to start, I took off my shirt, wore my dhoti and sat down.

Jambu Saastrigal (squinting) : Ambi, namaskaram pannu. Unakku dheergaayusu da! (little one, get blessings... You will live a long life!)
Then he went on to say (in translation) "these days the boys who come after studying abroad are so shy that they want to go through the entire wedding ceremony in their Kurtha's. They dont wan't to even remove their shirt!!. and here you are!! all ready in a jiffy.."

to this the second saastrigal in command, says:

"Narayanan payyanaa, kokkaa!" ,which I cannot translate real well. He basically said something to the effect that the apple does not fall far from the tree.. ie., my dad is known for being religious and a stickler for adherence to rituals and so it is no surprise that I am that way. At that point I wanted to puke my guts out, because I am not as religious or ritualistic as my father. I do it 10 times a year and on demand. My father does it 365 days a year. Big difference. However, I saw my dad's eyes light up with pride when he overheard this and I just let sleeping dogs lie..

When I was 3 or 4 years old, Iused to sit on my grandpa's lap every morning when he used to recite vedic verses, Valmiki Ramayana or pieces of Upanishads during his morning prayer. Some of those things have gone into my permanent memory and I can recite these if I have to. These days, I just thank my genes for my memory and leave it at that.

Like I have said in the past, to each his/her own! My personal take on this :

How we interpret the level of influence of social, cultural and religious practice in our life does not define us. How we learn to be at peace with what we do, irrespective of the reasons, is what defines us.

The end goal is to be comfortable with oneself! At least mine is!

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City of Brotherly Love

The last weekend saw us travelling through Philadelphia (phil-adelpho::love-brother). My plan was to show my wife and kids the city, through the eyes of someone who lived there for almost three years!

Everytime I used to come back after some trip in those days, seeing the Philadelphia skyline, used to make me feel "I am home". It was in effect a home away from home. I visited the city after 9 years! We got into the city at 9AM on Labor day and the streets were deserted. Just as we got near the 30th street station, San said "stop somewhere soon. I need hot water to mix with the baby food and I said "I know this place like the back of my hand!".

For some reason, the human mind thinks that the world it considers rosy and safe is always frozen in time and place. At least mine does and when I have spoken to a few close friends, they agree that they too have been duped by their imaginations in the same way!

Here are a few examples:

On our recent India trip, I went through the Mandaveli area to show Jr. where I played hide and seek! Duh! The entire street was full of apartments and I could not even recognize the area.

This inspite of a previous experience in 1998 when going home after three years, I went to meet my cousin. Expecting a little boy in his baniyan and a little shorts, I was surprised to see someone who had grown to be my shoulder height! My aunt told me "Just because you go to America, kids here dont stop growing, you know!".

That pretty much sums it up. The Madras I left has changed so much, even by name.
The Philadelphia I left has changed so much! Where food trucks used to stand between two buildings on 32nd street has now been converted into a private university garden of sorts! There are high rise shopping complexes everywhere. 30th Street station has a multi story parking garage and a food court that is just plain amazing!

All the houses, apartments I lived in are still there! Took pictures of them, but the high rises are encroaching and it is only a question of time before they also become a memory.

Why does the mind so something like that? Tuck in your happy places in a "freeze frame" section of your head?

Is this the same reason my mom sees me as a kid? I must have been a good kid at 10 or 12 or whatever it was!

We did have a great trip though. Here is to memories..

The second window on the 3rd floor.. a dark room.. a huge spectrometer..sleepless graduate student..

The little ones get to see the main entrance of Drexel University..

The parking structure that was not there 9 years ago. Today a building like this gets raised in a years time!

Inside the 30th Street station. This main area has not changed one bit!

Chestnut Arms! Initially I thought this was also demolished to convert into a shopping complex. The old dude who sells incense sticks on the pavement on 40th near market was still there!

The liberty bell. I have given the guided tour to so many friends who visited me in Philadelphia. Now they have a brand new display center with extra security checks. Hell, they moved the bell from where it used to be. I walked the wife, kids, MIL and cousin around the old historic area and a guy tells me "They moved the bell now! You go through security to see it". It is not just Philadelphia that has changed!

Got this shot from the moving horse carriage ride(we went on the horsie around the historic area) just to see the new contrasting and dwarfing the old! The buidling on the foreground is close to 150 years old and the highrise is new.

If taking the wife and kids to Philadelphia can give me such a wonderful experience, what will taking them to Banaras do?

We may have to send notice to all professors of goosebumpology to witness new scientific evidence that might be uncovered when Sundar goes back to Banaras!

Have a great week!

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Perspective

Went to the local video store with Jr. and the little one.

Was waiting for the traffic light to turn green, when a biker came and stopped next to us at the light. This was a big white dude in bike shorts, with tattoos all over his arms and legs, multiple earings on each ear, matted long brown hair (Bob Marley style) and a bandana over his head.

Jr. was observing him from the car seat in the back for the entireity of the traffic light cycle and when we started turning, said:

"Daddy, I don't think I have ever seen a woman with a moustache before!"

Her innocence and sincerity in believing that statement, just cracked me up. I had to grab the steering wheel with both hands to steady the vehicle.

"Kuttyma, it is a guy with long hair! Not a woman with a moustache!" I said and she goes: "No daddy, that WAS a woman with a moustache!". We argued this back and forth a few times and I just gave up.

Now we have a latest addition to the list of Santa, Tooth Fairy, Racco the bad Racoon who runs the school for misbehaving kids.....

The moustached woman!

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The ties that bind!

When it comes to binding two surfaces together, there are many approaches. In fact gluing two surfaces or nailing them together would probably result in a much better bond than just using some form of rope or thread. However, when it comes to bonds that last, they always have "tying" associated with the bond.

Caveman probably used rope like material long before he came up with nails or glue! Maybe that is the historical reason ? But in retrospect, humans have associated permanent or long standing bonds with a tie.

The earliest and strongest is the umbilical tie ! Somehow even after the bond is broken physically, it leaves behind an imaginary connection that allows a mother to remote control her child, when he is 13964 Kilometers (or 8678 miles) away. A mothers ability to make a grown up child cry over a few words during a phone call, and the even more amazing ability to restore the same grown up child and make him wipe off his tears within a few minutes by calling him back, has to do more with the imaginary connection than the phone connection!

Then of course comes the tie that follows the umbilical tie. The "aranakayaru" tie! A black thread that the dad ties around a baby's waist on the day the kid is named as an attempt cast off the evil eyes! Hope this tie works as well for me as it did for my daddy!

The third tie that I can remember is the tie that initiated me into culture and religion. I am refering to the Upanayanam ceremony and the sacred thread that has been slung across my shoulder since I was thirteen! Although I have not been as faithful to all the duties and daily prayers that I agreed to perform, I still have not forgotten them. Just do them at my own terms and have come to accept it for what it is worth!

The fourth memorable tie is the tie that binds me to education and my profession! Well, I am talking about the colorful sash that my co-advisor tied around my neck during my Ph.D. graduation ceremony! Something to remember for the rest of my life. I have been studying all my life, but that moment stood for a milestone along that path. It was almost like stopping in Coalinga on a long drive from San Francisco to Los Angeles and smelling the cows, except much nicer!

The last and most important was the knot I tied around my fiance's neck to get her to be my wife! Of course she was my fiance for a total of one week before she became my wife! Cannot put my finger on it, but was it the knot, the circumstances under which it was tied, the audience at the event, the rituals ? Guess it does not really matter because somehow it gets etched deep down into your head and can still resurface from that depth real fast!

The same ties keep going over and over again, generation after generation, binding people in an inextricable way.

Ah, the ties, they do bind !

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