Things that define you

After reading through A bystanders post and Noon's response to my comment in her post,

I had an Epiphany!! (I do not know if the man who taught me that word actually reads this blog! If you do, thanks for introducing that word to me).

I will come straight to the point, although it is no fun...

Does the poonal define me or do I define it?

Or for that matter, is the little Thaayaththu (amulet) that has been on my body since I was 4 define me? (I used to have it around my neck on a black thread and once I got my Poonal, transferred it to the poonal).

Does the thin gold wedding band that I never removed from my finger since the day I got married define me or do I define it?

Does the "I love daddy" trinket, hanging from my rear view mirror define me as a daddy, or the shilouette of two dancers that hangs alongside, which my friend Weeshie Niehaus made for me one Christmas eve define me as a friend or a dancer for that matter?

I really do not know!

At the end of the day, we strive to be a good spouse, parent, child, friend, worker. Somehow in that list, I am not directly trying to be good at being a Hindu or Brahmin or devotee!

If the definition of a good spouse, parent or child involves getting in line with the belief and value system of the other person in that relationship, then you are indirectly striving to show your alignment to religion, culture, rituals and whatever else comes with it (eg. being vegetarian vs. eating meat, dressing in a certain way, visitng a place of worship, affiliation to a place of worship or group, wearing a poonal or mangal sutra, etc.)

When I see the little one prostrate herself and pray at the Shiva Vishnu Temple in Livermore, I wonder...

I did not even teach her to do that!
She just did it by following what I do..
She is happy doing it and expects me to approve when she copied me!

After some time, I thought to myself "Sundar, you are overanalyzing this thing. Sometimes Jr. does the exact opposite of what you do, just to be different or just to piss you off. This is the same girl, who used to copy you to show her conformance, just two years ago!"

All these things do not define the kid.

I reflect on something that happened during my wedding. The late Jambu Saastrigal, who performed our wedding, had nearly lost his eyesight at the time. He was just going by memory. On my insisting, he actually explained the reason and synopsis of every ritual that we performed during that wedding ceremony!

Here is a converstation that is still fresh in my mind. We were all gathered to start a prayer the day before the wedding. It was very early in the morning. As soon as we were ready to start, I took off my shirt, wore my dhoti and sat down.

Jambu Saastrigal (squinting) : Ambi, namaskaram pannu. Unakku dheergaayusu da! (little one, get blessings... You will live a long life!)
Then he went on to say (in translation) "these days the boys who come after studying abroad are so shy that they want to go through the entire wedding ceremony in their Kurtha's. They dont wan't to even remove their shirt!!. and here you are!! all ready in a jiffy.."

to this the second saastrigal in command, says:

"Narayanan payyanaa, kokkaa!" ,which I cannot translate real well. He basically said something to the effect that the apple does not fall far from the tree.. ie., my dad is known for being religious and a stickler for adherence to rituals and so it is no surprise that I am that way. At that point I wanted to puke my guts out, because I am not as religious or ritualistic as my father. I do it 10 times a year and on demand. My father does it 365 days a year. Big difference. However, I saw my dad's eyes light up with pride when he overheard this and I just let sleeping dogs lie..

When I was 3 or 4 years old, Iused to sit on my grandpa's lap every morning when he used to recite vedic verses, Valmiki Ramayana or pieces of Upanishads during his morning prayer. Some of those things have gone into my permanent memory and I can recite these if I have to. These days, I just thank my genes for my memory and leave it at that.

Like I have said in the past, to each his/her own! My personal take on this :

How we interpret the level of influence of social, cultural and religious practice in our life does not define us. How we learn to be at peace with what we do, irrespective of the reasons, is what defines us.

The end goal is to be comfortable with oneself! At least mine is!

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