Learning the hard way

Started writing this post last year, same time.. but it kept getting revised as time went by to the extent that it never made it out.

Sometimes a journey takes you through so many intermediate sights worth seeing that if you start waiting to post till you reach your final destination, all those posts just don't make it.. that is if your final destination is mind blowing. 

When it comes to the music learning journey, have no final destination planned. So it would be ridiculous to wait for some special moment to finish this post. So here goes. . . while this post definitely gets the "publish" button today, the music learning will keep going.

The previous posts in this blog tab tell you everything that got me to this point. I became a "student" yet again, trying to sing movie songs better than the average bathroom singer.  (I am pretty quiet in the bathroom as the showers are always 2-4 minutes maximum. Keep pushing my family to take shorter baths to conserve hot water and the associated electricity bill!). The singing happens in the car when no one else is present. 

After joining Paadarivom Padipparivom as a student, I got a chance to be a mentee in a live show. Got a call from my teacher and he asked if I am free on a weekend morning at 5:30 AM. Told him I will obviously be free, but singing with the family is asleep will be a challenge. Was also not ready for this! They knew I was a beginner. What were they thinking ? Putting me up in a live show to learn in front of everyone?  My teacher (as for some strange reason like all my other teachers) had more faith in me than I had in myself. Maybe that is a common trait for all teachers? Or maybe I just luck out finding teachers like this? One has to be very lucky to find the right teachers, for any subject! He said "you will do just fine! it is better for everyone to see how you learn from this experience as a beginner!"

There I was sitting on my meditation pillow on the floor in front of the now familiar "manja suvaru" or "yellow wall" at 5AM testing out audio and video. It was one of my favorite songs "Mounamana Neram" and I had been warned by family not to touch songs like this so as to keep SPB's memory alive. The fact that a million others are butchering SPB song's even as I type this post somehow didn't seem to matter to the family!  At least I was being taught the song by a teacher, word by word! 

The instruction 5 days ahead of this live experience was simple. Listen to this song on a loop 20-30 times. Listen to it and not just hear it. Pay attention to little details as you listen. So I went and did just that, or thought I did! This was also the first time the format of this teaching episode was changing to have two teachers teach two students at the same time. Male teacher teaches male mentee and female teacher teaches the female mentee. The female mentee was a quiet down to earth "pro". She was as tense as me as it was her first time being live, but later I learned that her hubby was her pillar of strength and was giving her a tutorial class at home. Me?! No such luck, as my family was trying to not get involved in this process at all. Gandhiji would have learned a thing or two to speed up the "Quit India" movement, if he had watched my family quit me that week.  I sat through that live teaching show and learned one thing. Listening to a song 100 times didn't do shit for my ability to sing it. The little nuances I thought I had understood, all nonsense! What was I even listening to?

Then came the harder part. Having to put out a song invite within 36 hours. There were two lines that I simply could not deliver! I got voicenotes from both teachers giving me a lot of confidence. The female teacher gave me slow motion notes on how to sing the thing and I still was struggling to sing it at regular speed. At one point, they took pity on me and said "this will do!" for the invite.  It reminded me of "that will do Pig!" dialog from Babe! A few people were nice enough to join my invite. I could have definitely done a lot better and have done better, since then. Given that moment in time when a zillion lightbulb moments happened in two days with respect to learning something, having a time crunch to deliver <100 words in a 4 minute song to near perfection and knowing I failed in 80% of the words, it was gut wrenching!

I am not just a student. I am also a yogi. If there is one thing my yoga gurus have taught me, it is that "falling down is human but getting back up and trying again, now that is a yogi!" 

Dusted myself up after that debacle and decided that I will do better every week compared to the previous week. Whatever that experience taught me, I was going to internalize it and improve on it every week. Was not going to give up on singing because I made a fool of myself on a live teaching show. If anything, this was like getting into an arranged marriage. You like or don't like something about her? It doesn't matter because you are already married to the girl. Just figure it out! Had already embarassed myself in front of the all the teachers and students in the music group, not to mention all my friends and family. This was like rock bottom. There was only one way to go from there! Improve week on week!

My teachers however, were talking as though they had struck gold with me. They were very happy with my sincerity and my ability to pick up at least half of what they were saying. One thing was also clear to me a month after this experience. I had to pick up the pieces and start learning Carnatic music at the earliest to be able to sing film songs better. My ability to place a note where it needs to be was pathetic. 

Given most of the teachers in Paadarivom Padipparivom were classical music teachers, I decided to start learning Carnatic (South Indian classical) music as well on the auspicious Vijayadasami day last year. My teacher(Koushik) is a patient man in his early forties with a lot of experience in teaching folks of all age groups. In  the very first class he told me "I am not here to teach you knack. Will teach you hacks instead". Will never forget the way he said it. He was in the business of teaching old dogs new tricks and he meant it. Classical music is learned by kids in south India at the age of 4 or 5 and they pick it up over time with a lot of practice over two decades. I was almost 50 trying to start from scratch again!

This needed a different curriculum and syllabus. One designed to keep a middle aged man interested enough to keep going and still make slow and steady progress. Koushik has managed to do it so far. It has been 14 months since my first Classical music class (which is once a week for 50 minutes) and I can in all sincerity say that every class has had at least one lightbulb moment and every class has built on the incremental progress from the previous classes. We have finished a full book of songs in 14 months. Given that there was no planned schedule to get anywhere at anytime, at least from my side, it was suprising that he got me this far.

He always reminds me of the four stages in the learning curve:

1. Unconscious incompetence : I don't even realize what it is supposed to sound like

2. Conscious incompetence : I realize what the thing is supposed to be like but don't how how to do it yet

3. Conscious competence : Know what is required but still a work in progress. all it takes is practice at this point and hard work.. the understanding is there.. but it is a struggle

4. Unconscious competence : can sing it with eyes closed and practiced ease.. no need to think about it! 

By the time the mentee experience was done, was going from stage 1 to glimpses of 2. Now after 14 months of learning Classical music and singing one movie song a week with a systematic approach, have gotten to start seeing stage 3 in the horizon.  

It is my sincere hope that in a few years, will get to 3 and eventually on to step 4!

In 2022, have sang 36 songs and submit them for reviews and have recevied valuable feedback from the teachers on every one of those songs! Have definitely improved as a singer in the last 12 months. Have also learned to appreciate what I am listening to, thanks to the improved awareness! Also know why some of my fellow students are a class apart from the rest. 

The highlight of 2022 singing was this.

Very happy to have music back in my life now! Also extremely happy to have found this community of singers at different levels who really encourage each other and bring out the best that everyone has to offer muscially!

If you are someone who wants to improve your singing no matter what your level is, would definitely suggest joining this community!  

The systematic approach to singing one movie song a week is an unfinished post as well. Will post that soon, as it will definitely benefit other learners!