Learning the hard way

Started writing this post last year, same time.. but it kept getting revised as time went by to the extent that it never made it out.

Sometimes a journey takes you through so many intermediate sights worth seeing that if you start waiting to post till you reach your final destination, all those posts just don't make it.. that is if your final destination is mind blowing. 

When it comes to the music learning journey, have no final destination planned. So it would be ridiculous to wait for some special moment to finish this post. So here goes. . . while this post definitely gets the "publish" button today, the music learning will keep going.

The previous posts in this blog tab tell you everything that got me to this point. I became a "student" yet again, trying to sing movie songs better than the average bathroom singer.  (I am pretty quiet in the bathroom as the showers are always 2-4 minutes maximum. Keep pushing my family to take shorter baths to conserve hot water and the associated electricity bill!). The singing happens in the car when no one else is present. 

After joining Paadarivom Padipparivom as a student, I got a chance to be a mentee in a live show. Got a call from my teacher and he asked if I am free on a weekend morning at 5:30 AM. Told him I will obviously be free, but singing with the family is asleep will be a challenge. Was also not ready for this! They knew I was a beginner. What were they thinking ? Putting me up in a live show to learn in front of everyone?  My teacher (as for some strange reason like all my other teachers) had more faith in me than I had in myself. Maybe that is a common trait for all teachers? Or maybe I just luck out finding teachers like this? One has to be very lucky to find the right teachers, for any subject! He said "you will do just fine! it is better for everyone to see how you learn from this experience as a beginner!"

There I was sitting on my meditation pillow on the floor in front of the now familiar "manja suvaru" or "yellow wall" at 5AM testing out audio and video. It was one of my favorite songs "Mounamana Neram" and I had been warned by family not to touch songs like this so as to keep SPB's memory alive. The fact that a million others are butchering SPB song's even as I type this post somehow didn't seem to matter to the family!  At least I was being taught the song by a teacher, word by word! 

The instruction 5 days ahead of this live experience was simple. Listen to this song on a loop 20-30 times. Listen to it and not just hear it. Pay attention to little details as you listen. So I went and did just that, or thought I did! This was also the first time the format of this teaching episode was changing to have two teachers teach two students at the same time. Male teacher teaches male mentee and female teacher teaches the female mentee. The female mentee was a quiet down to earth "pro". She was as tense as me as it was her first time being live, but later I learned that her hubby was her pillar of strength and was giving her a tutorial class at home. Me?! No such luck, as my family was trying to not get involved in this process at all. Gandhiji would have learned a thing or two to speed up the "Quit India" movement, if he had watched my family quit me that week.  I sat through that live teaching show and learned one thing. Listening to a song 100 times didn't do shit for my ability to sing it. The little nuances I thought I had understood, all nonsense! What was I even listening to?

Then came the harder part. Having to put out a song invite within 36 hours. There were two lines that I simply could not deliver! I got voicenotes from both teachers giving me a lot of confidence. The female teacher gave me slow motion notes on how to sing the thing and I still was struggling to sing it at regular speed. At one point, they took pity on me and said "this will do!" for the invite.  It reminded me of "that will do Pig!" dialog from Babe! A few people were nice enough to join my invite. I could have definitely done a lot better and have done better, since then. Given that moment in time when a zillion lightbulb moments happened in two days with respect to learning something, having a time crunch to deliver <100 words in a 4 minute song to near perfection and knowing I failed in 80% of the words, it was gut wrenching!

I am not just a student. I am also a yogi. If there is one thing my yoga gurus have taught me, it is that "falling down is human but getting back up and trying again, now that is a yogi!" 

Dusted myself up after that debacle and decided that I will do better every week compared to the previous week. Whatever that experience taught me, I was going to internalize it and improve on it every week. Was not going to give up on singing because I made a fool of myself on a live teaching show. If anything, this was like getting into an arranged marriage. You like or don't like something about her? It doesn't matter because you are already married to the girl. Just figure it out! Had already embarassed myself in front of the all the teachers and students in the music group, not to mention all my friends and family. This was like rock bottom. There was only one way to go from there! Improve week on week!

My teachers however, were talking as though they had struck gold with me. They were very happy with my sincerity and my ability to pick up at least half of what they were saying. One thing was also clear to me a month after this experience. I had to pick up the pieces and start learning Carnatic music at the earliest to be able to sing film songs better. My ability to place a note where it needs to be was pathetic. 

Given most of the teachers in Paadarivom Padipparivom were classical music teachers, I decided to start learning Carnatic (South Indian classical) music as well on the auspicious Vijayadasami day last year. My teacher(Koushik) is a patient man in his early forties with a lot of experience in teaching folks of all age groups. In  the very first class he told me "I am not here to teach you knack. Will teach you hacks instead". Will never forget the way he said it. He was in the business of teaching old dogs new tricks and he meant it. Classical music is learned by kids in south India at the age of 4 or 5 and they pick it up over time with a lot of practice over two decades. I was almost 50 trying to start from scratch again!

This needed a different curriculum and syllabus. One designed to keep a middle aged man interested enough to keep going and still make slow and steady progress. Koushik has managed to do it so far. It has been 14 months since my first Classical music class (which is once a week for 50 minutes) and I can in all sincerity say that every class has had at least one lightbulb moment and every class has built on the incremental progress from the previous classes. We have finished a full book of songs in 14 months. Given that there was no planned schedule to get anywhere at anytime, at least from my side, it was suprising that he got me this far.

He always reminds me of the four stages in the learning curve:

1. Unconscious incompetence : I don't even realize what it is supposed to sound like

2. Conscious incompetence : I realize what the thing is supposed to be like but don't how how to do it yet

3. Conscious competence : Know what is required but still a work in progress. all it takes is practice at this point and hard work.. the understanding is there.. but it is a struggle

4. Unconscious competence : can sing it with eyes closed and practiced ease.. no need to think about it! 

By the time the mentee experience was done, was going from stage 1 to glimpses of 2. Now after 14 months of learning Classical music and singing one movie song a week with a systematic approach, have gotten to start seeing stage 3 in the horizon.  

It is my sincere hope that in a few years, will get to 3 and eventually on to step 4!

In 2022, have sang 36 songs and submit them for reviews and have recevied valuable feedback from the teachers on every one of those songs! Have definitely improved as a singer in the last 12 months. Have also learned to appreciate what I am listening to, thanks to the improved awareness! Also know why some of my fellow students are a class apart from the rest. 

The highlight of 2022 singing was this.

Very happy to have music back in my life now! Also extremely happy to have found this community of singers at different levels who really encourage each other and bring out the best that everyone has to offer muscially!

If you are someone who wants to improve your singing no matter what your level is, would definitely suggest joining this community!  

The systematic approach to singing one movie song a week is an unfinished post as well. Will post that soon, as it will definitely benefit other learners!

The pied piper and his Magic note

The previous post on my stumbling on to Paadarivom Padipparivom is here...

Having found that there is an initiative to help amateur singers become better at singing Tamil movie duets, went and checked out a lesson where a song was being taught live to two aspiring students. 

The song was "Aagaya Vennilave", an old favorite. Had sang it before with my school mates just after becoming a member of Smule.  It is not an easy song to sing as there is always some difficulty with the beats and the patterns. Now there was a one hour lesson for a 4 minute song?! Does it really need this effort to do justice to singing this song on Smule? Went in with lots of questions and woke up bright and early to watch this live show at 5:30 AM! 

The teacher, Koushik, who was very down to earth,  was extremely patient and he broke it down so nicely. In all my life, would not have expected to understand something that was being taught to me this clearly, for how to sing a movie song! It was like being in a dream!

The pattern for this song which gets broken down in four beats of four, gets changed in select lines to give it that punch.. It will always be an unforgetable experience on how the lightbulb went off in my head!

1234-1234-1234-1234 was changed to 

1234-123-1234-123-12 

That last 12 ... were called the magic notes!

Putting a link to that video here, in case any of you want to see what I am talking about.. 

After sitting through this lesson, I was hooked. Then came the hard part. Putting what was learned into practice and singing the song! When you have no clue, you can just sing in Smule. Once you know the difference between what you are singing and what it is supposed to be like, then there is a problem. Have to make an effor to sing better. 

This was an interesting way to teach people. A teacher or mentor teaches two students (mentees) the song in great detail. They are given some background and context on the song, the raga it is set to, the talam, etc. and the feel of the song and there is a line by line breakdown. All the folks watching this can learn from the corrections that the two mentees get from the teacher. There is also plenty of time to write notes as this is going on. 

Once the two students have learned it, they get 48 hours to sing their parts alone and post invites on Smule. All the students who learned the song and want to give it a shot join the invites posted by the mentees. Then they can submit their joins to a review committee that actually selects the top 10% and feature it in the following weeks show. They get sincere feedback on what went right and what went wrong. 

To be honest I was devastated. Once you know what has to be done, and you realize you are not there yet, with a deadline to submit a song for a review, I panicked. I didn't have the skill to pull off some of the stuff in the song as I am not a trained classical music singer. Then again, most students weren't! They were all winging it using what was taught. 

Eventually with a lot of guidance from my MIL and Jr. who basically acted as my local judge, sang the song at least 20 times and eventually did submit it. San was impressed by my dedication but was not happy with my facial expressions. Why do you sound so sad or scared when you sing? was the question. Didn't have an answer at that time!

Got a detailed review on voice mail telling me what is going right and what is going wrong. This type of feedback is just amazing, but I was lost again after a few more weeks of singing the song of the week and getting the feedback. I did not understand some of the technical terms used to describe what was going on and what needed to be corrected.. 

Take off, glides, landing notes, etc.. felt like I had ended up in flight school instead of a music school. The teachers though were patient. Explained every little thing to me in a way I could understand it. So I decided to join Paadarivom Padipparivom as an official student two weeks later! They sent me a nice card for the membership. The membership fee was a 130$ a year and my CFO was actually okay with it. Given I had already paid Smule 40$ a year and I was singing almost everyday for at least 15 minutes, think the family decided "if he is going to sing anyways and annoy us, let him at least get better!". 

Would still get some imploring requests from San not to "spoil" some songs by "touching them".. "please, andha paatu mattum vendaam! andha paatayum kedukkadhe! Enakku pidichcha paatu adhu!" .. That would always baffle me. While the sincerity of the feedback on how pathetic my singing was, especially when it came to certain songs (mostly SPB, KJY songs with some aalap or swarams involved.. there was a pattern there), there were a zillion guys out there singing that same song in abaswaram where 80% of the notes didn't match.. sure, I am at 20% off, but why not me?! These days I don't ask any questions.. just sing. No song is off limits. There is a bunch of folks who are (or were) in the same boat who believe that this is something that can be overcome as an amateur with practice and picking up some tricks. That is enough hope! San on the other hand has given up hope on my giving up singing. She knows I will keep at it. Now she is hoping I learn fast enough so that what comes out of my mouth is at least above average stuff!

There were daily fun assignments to sing 30 second to 1 minute clips in a Whatsapp group, compressed video lessons from the teachers, a lot of guidance and encouragement and most importanly, excellent feedback on what has to be improved and possible methods to do it!

It has been a fun 6 months being a student and over this time have almost learned and sang one song every week. Sometimes I would spend hours to record the song, if it is a favorite and sometimes wrap it up in 2 hours because the will and motivation for that song was not there. For the most part, I was learning the little intricacies of what a new singer misses. 

MIL, Jr. and to some extent San have been my internal critics. If they reject a song, I delete it and sing again. Only if it passes the MIL's test, does anything get posted. (Did post one song when she implored me not to make a fool of myself and regret posting it to this day.. the feedback I got from that teacher was interesting..given he was the one who pointed me to this group, have to make it up to him someday by doing a better job!)

My classmates and hiking buddies and friends have all been supportive of my trying to improve my singing. They tell me when I do a good job and when they were not impressed. That is also new and refreshing. They know I take their feedback seriously and go back and try to figure out what was missed. Have learned a lot of imporant things in the last 6 months!

The first lesson I got was the difference between hearing and listening. Only when you listen to the original sound track a few times (if possible at 0.75x or 0.5x speed), you see the devil.. sorry, the details.  

The second lesson I got was that, it is important to note the subtle differnces when the same line is repeated twice in a song. The variations between the first time and the repeat is almost always the same, at least for most songs by Ilayaraja! The first time is plain and the second time has some spice to it, almost in same locations!

The third lesson, which is still a work in progress, is to end a line with the right landing note. In most cases, there is a "hook" to it, where the male singer has to bend the note and hand it over like a baton being passed in a relay race. If you don't reach or if you over run the other person, it is over! Had never even noticed this in the first 4 months of Smule singing.. Just knowing this concept and trying to even crudely implement it, makes me sound way better! 

The lesson of all lessons is that one has to sing the same song over and over again, to get to a level of mastery where you are no longer conscious of the lyrics, you are no longer worried about singing to the beat and are not worried about sync'ing with the other singer. Once you reach that stage, then you can emote!! You can bring out the real feel of the song.

If you are constantly worried about missing the pitch, the tempo, the right variations etc.. the only emotion that shows up in the song is fear!  Try to sing a happy song, and I sound happily scared.. try to sing a sad song, I sound sad and afraid! All other things have to go on autopilot, for the emotion part to even start!

Have had the same experience in the yoga room. You know what has to be done and it takes a certain awareness to be able to pull it off. Only after years of practice where you know the basic struggles are not an issue anymore, can you get to a certain form and depth. Just like how form is more important than depth in a yoga pose, in singing, you have to get the basic structure of the song right before trying to do all fancy stuff! If you learn that wrong, it is incredibly difficult to unlearn it and start again! 

Still going through a steep learning curve with this group of like minded singers and an excellent group of mentors! 

It is a joy to be able to sing again after so many years! It is also great to realize that what comes out of my mouth when singing, is a lot better than what it was, just 9 months ago!  For that, I am grateful to Paadarivom Padipparivom! 

Have also met a lot of people with the same interest in improving their singing and have made new friends. That is another blessing! It is good to know that I am not alone in frustrating the family, by singing the same song a dozen times, back to back!

After joining this group, I was told that based on multiple criteria, there will be a chance for me to be a student on the live show. Did get that chance as well. That was a different experience in itself.

Will share that sometime soon.. not everything goes as planned.. another big lesson!