Ricing prices

Now that Rice prices have gone up and stayed put, replaying Tom Petty's "Learning to Fly" in philosophical hopes of "what goes up must come down" do not seem to help much.

So the household made some adjustments, or tried to! First we bought a cheaper chinese version of rice from Costco. The kids said "no way". They did not just say the two words like adults would. They were more graphic in their response to the rice. The adults in the house did not mind the rice, but it would go into mushiness far too easily. There was He-Said She-Said, He-Said Older She-Said, She-Said Older She-Said arguments on the quality of the rice, economics over taste, responsibility of adults to bring more to compensate for rising prices, ones ability to cook as opposed to just plugging in an electric cooker, etc. etc. By now you get the picture!

The final verdict was that the chinese rice would be used to make the following items only :

1. Sick food for daddy - as the person who has spent a record 27 consecutive healthy days since Jan 1st 2008, daddy did not refute it when it was put in plain terms. Once a month, there will be kichidi or venn pongal or just plain mushy costco rice in Jeera rasam for dad. He won't know the difference anyways because his taste buds will be duds!
2. Sweet Pongal - Once again Mushy logic and an overload of Jaggery can cloak any rice!
3. Backup rice - God forbid, we forgot to buy the usual Sona Masuri Rice and we are out, the Costco rice bag will be used.

If in the event they completely banned the Indian rice, we would eat the mushy version and save a bag or two strictly for the kids, until Barack Obama puts Desi Rice on the dining tables of Desi families!

The ground rules were agreed to by all and signed in blood.

Just as all this happened, daddy fell sick again. Rumor has it that his co-workers have a pool going, on when he will fall sick next! When he was still in the process of recovering, he was asked to go switch off the pressure cooker!

The mini pressure cooker in the house is used for the sole purpose of making rice for the little ones. The exact amount of "mushiness" of the rice is being measured on some esoteric scale by the ladies in the house. The claim is that males cannot detect such sensitivities in the "kozhavvaa vechcha rice"! (mushy rice in lay-man terms). Maybe it is true, because it seems watery and mushy and there is nothing more to it.

San, whose middle name could be Pavlov, has taught me that I should not attempt to prepare rice for the kids. She and only she, knows the exact number of rice grains that are to be put, the exact billi-liters of water to be poured into the vessel and the cooker, as well as precise duration of heating, whistle cycles. All I am allowed to do (when she happens to be in the shower), is to follow yelled out commands like "gas halfla vai" (reduce the gas to half), or "minimize all the way after one more whistle" etc.

The commands would always be subtly disguised so that no pattern can emerge. The desi community has had a sharp spike in the knowledge of Chaos theory and patterns emerging from seemingly random events, especially over the last two weeks! I guess she foresaw all this, and had all the more reason for making the commands cryptic!

This morning a pleasant surprise. The cooker whistles once. I go to turn the valve to half and the MIL says, "NO! Wait for two whistles!". I was in the twilight zone for a few seconds. How can that be? I have finally figured the emerging pattern. One whistle at full gas, two at half gas, 4 minutes with the valve at minimum. It was a cruel blow to the dog in me!

Then I cross checked with the missus, who shouted "No.Turn it down". Apparently there is differences in the trade secrets of the two ladies who rule the rice cooker! This transported me back in time to when I picked an argument with the Saastrigal (priest). It was a long time ago when we were performing a standard ritual where the priest goes "remove the pavithram and do an aachamanam" (if you are not a Tambram, just treat them as remove A and do B).

But, but.. I countered the priest! Your son told me last time to do B and remove A! What is it going to be? The head priest, who was visibly upset (I didn't know if he was upset with his son or me) said "Do as I told you! Remove A and do B!" and my brother chips in from behind "kaasa panama.. Aachamanam dhane! pannitu poinde irenda! enna kezhvi?" (he is not asking you for dollars and cents. just do A and get on with life. Why do you keep questioning?"). My brother quickly suggested I do B, remove A and do B again. The flashback ended abruptly, and I came back to the clock on the stove.

Based on chaos theory, butterfly wings, Ganabadigals, and Aachamanams all making random things connect in my brain, I thought

1. one whistle at full gas
2. two whistles at half
3. go back to one more at full gas
4. come back to one more at half
5. keep it for 4? mins at min?

but by the time I do all that, the pressure cooker will possibly explode!

So, as a responsible, but ignorant male, I did the only thing I could do. Left it to be decided between the two ladies. They talked in hushed tones, worried that I might have caught on to the little secret of making rice and adjusted the knob to god knows what!

I now sleep safe, knowing that there is one thing that is not expected of me anymore, ever!

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