Some profound realizations

This year I have had more hospital check-ins than the last 7 years combined. Maybe age is a factor like some are pointing out. Maybe the SaniMahadasa (Saturn influence) is a factor like some others are saying. Then there is just the activities like hectic travel and hiking gravel paths down mountain slopes which are factors.

No matter what the cause or the interpretive diagnosis from X-rays, MRI’s etc. the bottom line is that I am not yet walking normally at a brisk pace, unable to climb stairs, let alone hike up hills and mountains and not easily sit cross legged on a daily basis.

The physiotherapists are helping. I am doing wood pecker and clam shell poses instead of eagles and locusts.. flight related yoga references have changed to more grounded things.. That irony is not lost on me!

Apparently I have toned muscles, but not enough of them and unless I start doing some weights and get more protein and get muscle gain (after the knee is repaired with ice, heat, ibuprofen, rest, physio for next two weeks) things will not improve. Also noted.. amazing core strength inspite of not having enough muscle. Guess that is thanks to years of yoga. Supposed to use that core strength to help build other muscles. Time will tell. I take the student part very seriously and try to make my teachers proud. Hope my physios at Kaiser will be proud of my effort.

Last week I did get a “talking”. The previous week they had asked me to do 7 sets once of a bunch of exercises. I misheard it and didn’t read the printout fully. Only used the pictures in the printouts to remember the exercise sequence and did 7 sets of 7 reps each.. was doing it every 2 hours from 7AM to 7PM. More physio doesnt mean faster recovery. Might have made it worse. Doing those once a day didn’t seem to be much of exercise, so I was surprised. Turns out things are supposed to be progressing slowly.

“Slow” - a word that doesn’t exist in my dictionary (you can read that like a Gabtun dialogue). Now I have reconciled to this word. Progress is being made. I am able to walk better now without pain for longer times and have no swelling.

The only challenge is to sit on the floor. Did Amavasai tharpanam and sent the usual photo to my mom after doing tharpanam. That is my way of telling her it was done. I did smile without wincing today. Managed to sit on the floor for an hour. Was not easy to do a namaskaram and get up but it was not bad.

Now coming to the profound realization.. We live in a very complex polarized geo political world.

Thanks to sweeping generalizations that if you stand for A in issue 1, you automatically stand for B in issue 2 etc. type logic. I see Desis, Jewish friends, Israelis, White friends, black friends, Brahmin friends, women friends, yoga buddies, everyone caught in these false logic traps. Silence is not acceptance in a digital world where everything you say is being used against you on an immediate basis. That is one realization. Folks who are very vocal are usually the least knowledgeable on what they are vocal about. That is another realization. AI Algos are definitely not being used to create truthful summaries. They are being used more to obfuscate the truth.

Then there was yet another realization. After coming back from India, have been using the Tharpanam book to do offerings to dad and all ancestors on every new moon day and other special days. Wanted to understand the procedure and meaning behind what I was doing. Our Vaadhyaar in India said “indha kaalaththula ellam onlinela irukkunnaa! onnukku rendu article cross refer panni paarungo!” Clearly he was on the side of online education in the. interest of time. So I did do that search in June.

When we finally do the offering of water with the darbai grass which features in all prominent rituals. We also offer sesame seeds with the water (for a person allergic to sesame seeds, I find that also interesting) .

We recite:

Eshaam (those) na (no) maathaa(mother) na(no) pitha(father) na(no) brathaa(brother) na(no) cha bandhavaah (and relatives)

they sarve (them all) thrupthi(fulfilment) mayaanthu(may they satisfy) mayoth(offered by me, poured out by me) srushtaihi kusodhahai (water mixed with a specific grass)

The idea is that I am not just offering it to my dad and all the dearly departed on both sides of the family, but also offering this to anyone who does not have folks who can do this offering for them. This is the equivalent of a hospital not turning back anyone because they don’t have insurance. We all take care of each other, as not everyone has someone to fall back on.

This is the ultimate realization of “all for one and one for all”, or “no one left behind”, even when offering rites to satisfy dead souls. “Vedic rituals had socialism built into it” It is one interpretation by me. This will immediately get a visceral reaction from capitalist friends who might object to their tharpanam going to dead people they still hold a grudge against and might add an exception list. Everything is possible in Kali kaalam.

There was good in this world and there will continue to be. That was the last realization. The only thing my dad kept asking me over and over again on every visit to India was “enakku kaariyam ellam oru koraiyum vekkaama pannuviyonno?” (promise me you will do all the last rites for me without taking any shortcuts). He was a stickler for details and knowing me the way he did, I was offended by him even asking me that. My mom would smile everytime I would say “Ellam pannuven BR. Don’t worry!”. Once we go, we are gone, hopefully to a much better place far far away and our destiny shouldn’t be gated by what our progeny does for us after the fact. It should be decided by what we did when we were alive. However, I do for my father what he wanted and I did promise him with all my heart.

I have no sons and don’t plan on extracting any promise from anyone to do any last rites for me. Hopefully I do enough good while alive that my afterlife is not gated by what someone else has to do on my behalf.

Then again, there are enough people doing this tharpanam for their ancestors and they got me covered, in case my belief system has gaping holes!

After all, what do I know about the afterlife?

Take nothing for granted

This blog usually sees only happy posts for the most part. Occasionally a sad or nostalgic/ raw post. The last month has not been easy.

The Japan trip blog series writeup was going along swimmingly well. Then there was a biz trip for a few days and my plan was to come back and finish writing about the last three days of the trip.

There was International day of Yoga and a multilingual class that we thoroughly enjoyed. Monday through Wednesday I had planned a rather hectic trip to cover multiple things. Every day there were two flights with 2-3 hour gap between flights just to be safe. In spite of that 5 of the 6 flights were 2+ hours late. The only flight on time was the last one.

Somewhere in the middle of visiting airport restrooms and plane restrooms, I had picked up my first UTI ever and did not know it. As fate would have it, my last but one flight started 2 hours late and landed 2 hours late as well. The next flight home was on time and had boarded. The last hour of the flight was extremely turbulent and we were not allowed to use the restroom. The pretzel bag and water did not make it easier. When we were about to land, the air hostess announced that four passengers could actually made their connections if we would run to the next flight that was boarding. We were in A12. Two of us had to run to A1. A mom and daughter had to run to A6. Rest of them were rebooked as they had luggage. I was traveling with a backpack. After running 12 gates and making it to the flight, I was huffing and puffing. The flight attendant in the next flight promptly handed me a water bottle and said “sir please take your seat. we were waiting for you two. we have to taxi right away”. I went to my seat and told the other air hostess “ I have been holding from going to the restroom for the last 90 minutes. I have to go. It is urgent”. She said “please just hang on for another 10 minutes. once we are airborne you can go. if you get up, we cannot taxi. Already everyone has been waiting for you. “

So I waited. Then the turbulence was back on as soon as we took off.. the seat belt sign didn’t come off for another hour and 10 minutes. By that time I thought my bladder was going to rupture. Finally they let me go. Then there was another lady two seats ahead with a baby that desperately needed a diaper change. She was also constantly pressing the button. Out of goodwill I held it for another 5 minutes. When I finally tried to pee in that plane, pain hit me like never before to the point I was crying. Came back, sat down and was glad that I was going to be home soon. It was late in the night and the advice nurse told me to take Tylenol and rest and come see the doctor in the morning. if anything changed run to ER.

Woke up at 6AM and was peeing blood. The next 10 days has been a blur. In and out of hospital, getting to ER, Urgent care, back to ER, getting admitted, being tested constantly, round after round of antibiotics after they found that the infection had spread all the way to my kidneys. The whole family was in shock. After sometime at the hospital, they agreed to discharge me on condition that someone at home will do the medicine infusion. San said she will get trained but her hands were shaking and she freaked out. Luckily the kids were both bold enough and volunteered to do the infusion at home.

A word of praise to Kaiser. They did an outstanding job of taking care of me, sending medicine home on time for the infusions with a proper kit, meticulous follow ups, the nurses who took care of me as well as the ER doctors, not to mention my PCP who spotted right away that something was off after the first round of antibiotics. Lost 6-7lbs in the 10 days, my vocal volume and reduced mobility on my left hand thanks to the IV.

A “thoo” for Delta airlines. Understand turbulence is not in their control, but not a single flight was on time during that trip except the last one. They have a “we are like this only!” attitude that really made me sad. The flight attendents were sympathetic and said “very sorry” after they saw me come out with tears in my eyes, but that doesn’t help.

My colleagues at work were extremely supportive as were my professional connections. I was supposed to chair two sessions at a conference. Had a lot of expectations from that experience but could not even make it. The doctor told me “you can’t afford to get another infection right after this. Avoid crowds, especially where folks have traveled from far and wide for a conference”. Had to excuse myself. Could only work a few days with my phone and one hand. Was only able to listen in to some meetings.

My angels and my friends came to cheer me up in the hospital. Now that I am. normal they are all calling me an idiot and I am getting eye rolls from everyone for being stupid. All said and done, I should be more careful and not do stupid stuff like this anymore.

The last 5 days has seen me catch up with things at work, talk with my usual volume and also try Yoga again. There are still a few tests to check no lasting damage but as of now I have passed everything with flying colors. Just have to rebuild the good bacteria in my system.

Never take anything for granted !! One minute you are smiling and next thing you know, being delirious with a 103 fever blabbering nonsense in your sleep. I have never seen San so worried in recent times. Gave the family and friends a big scare.

The middle photo was from last evening when Jr. came running to tell me that the sky was putting on a show. So we went to the front door to take photos.

This morning I took a selfie to send to my mom after doing Bodhayana Amavasai tharpanam. Need to eat some more and get back to normal.

Wanted to write a post on International Yoga day as well after that biz trip and that never happened. So sharing a few photos from that day here..

Have been out of blogging, social media for almost three weeks now. Wrote this as a cautionary tale for folks and to get back to blogging. No one cleans airport restrooms or plane toilets anymore given every plane is late and airports are under staffed with mostly disgruntled employees who are all now contract workers with no benefits. Take your own toilet paper when you travel. Avoid plane and airport toilets where possible. At the risk of losing a flight, take that damn pee break. Finding alternate flights is easier than finding alternate kidneys! Not worth it!!

Will try to slowly finish blogging about that Japan trip from Spring!

Navarathri 2021

Last years Golu was a wash, because of COVID. It was also when I missed Jr. a lot as she was setting in college and getting busy. 

This years Navarathri was better. I had just landed after a hectic last minute trip to Chennai just after Navarathri started. So it was nice to be invited to a few golus in the bay area. Most of the golus this year were ladies only events and that meant, not a lot of Golu pictures.. we even went to a drive by golu this year!

This year I tried to continue a thing I started in 2019.. trying to match wife's saree color with my shirt color. It was a challenge as my wardrobe, while colorful, is no match for her variety! Once I set this trend and make it fashionable, it will only be a question of time before Nalli and Pothy's start selling matching shirts to the sarees. You will hear this soon "idhu sari with blouse ma, idhu sari with blouse and Shirt!".. you heard that here first! just remember..

There were a lot of new dolls which was impressive given people managed to get these shipped here during COVID. We also visted a few folks for the first time and saw interesting dolls, some that date back a century and were handed over for generations!

This year, I was asked to sing in a few Golus and did that. Have only been singing movie songs recently, but decided to give it a try. Wife give me a smile and said "not bad!" which is as much of a compliment I can expect to get. Next year, will learn, practice and sing a few classical songs if everything goes well!

All that said, here are the pictures of the golus and some dolls that caught my eye..

Hopefully by next year, COVID is a thing of the past and we get to visit more golus. There are many families that have lost dears ones in the last year and that also reduces the number of golus we visit. When you hear "we lost a relative, so no golu this year in our house!" over and over again, the magnitude of COVID strikes you!

All these trips got me to feel somewhat normal again after that Chennai trip. 

We did do a quick Saraswathi Poojai and Vijayadasami, given they both fell on working days and I was in meetings for the most part of those two days! 

It would be a big miss if I forget to mention the food over the last week.. sundals, vadais of different types and sizes, payasams, pooris, kuzhi appams, etc. etc. either I got to eat them directly or San got me parcels from the ones she visited. Given I had lost 5 lbs over 15 days with the trip, have almost put all the weight back in one week now. 

Wish the kids take more interest in dressing up and visiting golus in a few years once they are out of their busy high school/college life!

If I can try to learn carnatic music (again for the 4th time in my life) at this age, there is hope for them! 

Wishing you all a wonderful year of learning ahead! May the godess Saraswathi bless you with learning everything you wish to learn and may you find the right guru to teach you!!